


Alone but not lonely

by wthamidoing



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-08-23 06:07:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16613378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wthamidoing/pseuds/wthamidoing
Summary: Harry thought going back to school after the war would be relaxing, or at the very least familiar. But life as a war hero, not just a student, is suffocating. Luckily, someone who feels the same way might be able to help him find the room to breathe.





	Alone but not lonely

"So I was thinking after defense against the dark arts we could head to the library and try to finish up that transfiguration paper that's due next week." Hermione was the only one out of the three of them that was wide awake that monday morning as they walked from the common room to breakfast.

"Do you hear that?" Ron said, his arm around her shoulders. "Due next week. 'Mione, I've got 7 more days before I have to worry about that essay."

"Geez, Ron, would it kill you to start a homework assignment before the day it's due?"

Harry walked beside his two best friends slightly comforted by the fact that even with the war behind them he still got to walk through the halls of Hogwarts listening to the two of them argue about homework. It was like nothing had changed.

"Hey Harry!"

He sighed. Almost nothing.

A young girl in a Gryffindor scarf stood in front of them, holding a notebook under Harry's nose. She looked like a first year.

"Friend of yours?" Ron asked.

"Hi Harry," She said again sheepishly. "I was wondering if you'd sign my notebook." Harry groaned internally, trying not to visibly grimace as he took the notebook from her. He noticed the larger group of girls standing a few feet behind her giggling softly into their hands.

He wished he could say no, that he was just a student, that they shouldn't want his autograph. But saying no made him look like an ass. Honestly, saying yes made him look like an ass too. But it was easier than turning them all down.

He grabbed the notebook and scrawled out his name hastily, before handing it back. The girl squealed and before he could say anything scampered back over to her group of friends proudly showing off her new trophy.

"Let's go." Harry grumbled, pulling Ron and Hermione with him to the great hall.

He'd thought coming back to Hogwarts to finish his eighth year was a good idea. The credentials couldn't hurt, and it be nice to have a year a familiarity before being thrust into the workforce. But if familiar was what he wanted, it wasn't what he got.

Every walk down a crowded hallway was filled with whispers and stares and craned necks. First years asked for his autograph at least twice a week. Gryffindor quidditch practices now had almost packed stands as everyone came to see the boy who lived zoom around the pitch.

"It'll die down." Hermione said, noticing his clenched jaw and immediately switching to conflict de-escalation mode. "Besides you're like a hero to them. They don't mean any harm."

Harry felt bad complaining about it, he really did. And he knew she was right about it coming from a good place. But he had spent his first eleven years pretending he didn't exist, and now sometimes, he honestly wished that were true. Hermione could roll her eyes all she wanted, but it was suffocating.

The three of them slid into their usual seats at the Gryffindor table, Ron immediately loading a plate with bacon.

"Merlin, save some for the rest of us will you." Ginny said as she snatched a piece off her brother's plate. She gave Harry a punch on the shoulder. "Ready for quidditch practice tonight?"

"Am I ever not ready?" Harry smiled at her and stole the piece of bacon she had stolen from Ron. They had broken up last summer after Harry had decided he needed some time alone, and Ginny had decided she was falling in love with a certain Ravenclaw, but they had remained close friends. Besides, you don't need to be in love with someone to kick ass with them on the quidditch pitch.

Neville sat on his other side, and was showing Hermione a new plant he had gotten over the weekend, and how he was planning on convincing the new potions master to teach him how to extract venom from it to use for potions.

Sitting there in the midst of his friends, Harry was beginning to cool down from the autograph incident in the hall. And it was much easier to ignore the whispers with the background noise of four houses of morning chatter. And then Ginny passed him the newspaper.

The Boy Who Proposed? Harry Potter Proposes to School Fling Hermione Granger Following His Devastating Breakup with Ginevra Weasley.

"Did you see we're getting married, 'Mione?" He said defeatedly after reading the headline.

"Woah back off mate," Ron joked, holding his hands in the air.

"Let me see that." Hermione grabbed the newspaper from him. "They're clearly grasping for straws here. They don't even have pictorial evidence. No one's going to believe that."

"Is there seriously no other news to report on?" Harry's voice came out a little louder than he expected, small conversations surrounding them grinding to a halt. But he didn't care. He was tired of his personal life, fabricated or not, being dragged through the papers for everyone else's entertainment.

"I mean just one morning I'd like to eat breakfast and not have to read about who I'm supposedly marrying, or what kind of underwear I buy, or how I like my coffee." The whole great hall seemed oddly quiet now.

"'Mione?" His voice echoed.

"Yes?" She shrank a little in her seat as she answered.

"There's gotta be some kind of human rights issue they could be writing about. Some protest, somewhere that's more interesting than this?"

She gulped. "There was a demonstration for dragon rights in Bulgaria that Ron was telling me about the other day-"

"Good!" He stood up abruptly, throwing the paper down on the table. "I want to read about the fucking dragon rights. Where's the story on that?" He brought his hand up to his face and closed his eyes for a second. "I need some air."

He walked back out the door to the great hall in complete silence. No one was whispering now.

He rubbed his temple as he walked aimlessly up the stairs, heading for the astronomy tower, which was always empty until dusk. Harry knew that it wasn't his friends fault that the wizarding world had decided he was to be the hot gossip forever and always. And it wasn't their fault that first years wanted his signature. He shouldn't of snapped. He knew that. It just made him unjustifiably mad.

He played with his wand as he walked, tapping it against the wall, hoping the movement in his fingers would draw the anger out of his brain. In what world did watching his friends die in battle make him a celebrity?

He tripped up the last step and caught himself on the door handle to the astronomy tower. Opening it, he slipped inside, letting it slam behind him. With his back pressed against the wall he slid all the way to the floor, his eyes shut tight, only to open them and find himself face to face with Draco Malfoy.

The other boy was pressed up against the wall on the other side of the room, his face horrified. "Oh shit, sorry-" He stood up abruptly, banging his knee on a desk, "Shit, fuck, I'm so sorry. I didn't know anyone was going to use this room." He started for the door.

"What the hell are you apologizing for, Malfoy, I barged in on you." Harry stood up too.

"Don't you want me to leave?" Malfoy said, staring at the ground.

"No, whatever. It's fine." Harry sunk back down. This day was turning out to be quite the headache. "I have my corner and you have yours."

The settled back down into their respective sides of the room, the silence hanging in the air between them. Harry noticed what seemed like tissues scattered around Malfoy's ankles. His cheeks were a little puffy too. Ah, geez he shouldn't be here. There were like a dozen other towers he could mope in.

But as he was about to get up to leave Malfoy spoke. "Rough day?"

"You have no idea."

"Try me."

Harry looked over at Malfoy, but the other boy wasn't looking back at him. He was sat, back against the wall, head tilted up to the ceiling, eyes closed. Two years ago, this exact situation probably would have ended with a fight, but now Malfoy just looked exhausted. And Harry supposed talking about it out loud couldn't hurt.

"I don't know. I just-" He paused. "I just can't take the stares in the hallways anymore. It feels like everywhere I go I'm being watched. Or someone's talking about me. Some guy I didn't know asked to take a picture with me the other day so he could show his relatives. People keep asking me to sign their shit. I just don't get why everyone feels so entitled to me. I'm not a hero. I didn't even do anything special."

Harry expected Malfoy to sneer, or laugh even. He expected to be mocked. Poor Potter, and his popularity. It must be so hard being so liked.

But instead all he said was, "I'd hardly call saving the wizarding world 'nothing special.'"

"That's not what I meant."

"Well what did you mean?"

"I'm just saying that I was put there. I didn't take up this role on my own. It didn't have to be me. They could have put anyone else in my place and they would have done the same things I did. Merlin, I sound so ungrateful, it's just… I didn't ask for this. Who would?"

Draco picked up his head and looked over at Harry, his gray eyes watery but piercing. "I understand."

Out of all the things Harry Potter expected from Draco Malfoy in his eight years of knowing him, understanding had never made the list. He understands? How?

"Oh I'm sorry, do you also have first years asking for your autograph, I didn't realize-"

"Don't be a dick." Malfoy's gaze hardened. "I'm obviously not in the same situation you are, but I am getting my own share of unwanted attention."

The bags under Malfoy's eyes suddenly made a little more sense. And suddenly, Harry realized, his life must not have been the only one changed by the outcome of the war. His presence wasn't the only to draw whispers in the corridor, except the whispers Malfoy got probably weren't as well meant. Malfoy hadn't spoken up in class in weeks, getting rude stares from his peers and teachers just for existing. Nobody stopped him for autographs, but Harry had noticed a group of seventh years corner him the other day. He doubted it was for a friendly chat.

Malfoy let out a weak chuckle. "If you're the boy who lived, I'm the boy who shouldn't have. I mean I deserve it but-"

"Boy."

"What?"

"Boy. Not man. We were kids, Malfoy. You didn't choose your side. You don't deserve this."

Malfoy pulled back the corner of his mouth with unease. "Thanks Potter, but I mean-"

"No stop." Harry got up and closed the distance between them, sitting next to Malfoy, both their backs against the wall. "The child soldier doesn't choose his war. We were kids."

Silence hung between them, the weight of it nearly crushing them.

"I mean, I was a shitty kid too…" Malfoy tried to sound serious but the absurdity of it all broke him, and he let out a giggle. The giggle turned into an actual laugh, and soon his body was shaking as he tried to hold it back.

The sight of Malfoy sitting next to him shaking with laughter tipped Harry over the edge and soon he was laughing too. "You were kind of a shitty kid."

"Thanks." Malfoy laughed again, wiping a tear out of the corner of his eye. "Seriously though, I probably owe you more than one apology. And your friends."

"Forget about it. All kids are shitty." Harry punched him playfully on the shoulder. "You should meet my cousin."

They sat in silence again, but only for a moment, rage still bubbling gently beneath Harry's skin.

"No, you know what, I'm still so upset about it." He leaned over, staring Malfoy straight in the eye and motioning between them. "We missed out on so many kid things because of that stupid war." He sat back against the wall gesturing wildly with his hands, which made Malfoy smile.

"I should have been staying up late with my friends because we wanted to, not because we were trying to figure out how to stop Voldemort from killing me before the school year ended."

That was the first time Malfoy heard that name and didn't flinch. It was like there was no weight behind it anymore.

Harry kept going. "I should have been worried about exams, not relieved they'd got cancelled 'cause another murderer broke into the school."

Malfoy laughed softly. "I don't think there are very many people on your side of that sentiment."

"I missed seventh year quidditch games, and team sleepovers followed by ridiculously early practices because I was romping through the woods looking for horcruxes."

"It wouldn't have helped, Gryffindor sucks with or without you on the team." Malfoy grinned.

"You absolute ass."

"I know what you mean though." Malfoy said. There it was again, that understanding.

"Right? I should have been stressing over my school yard crushes, not stressing about whether or not any of my teachers worked for the dark lord." Harry put up air quotes and rolled his eyes when he said the dark lord, laughing a little when Malfoy made a face. "What, I can mock him, he's dead."

"No it's not that. School yard crushes? I would have thought you couldn't be bothered."

"Everyone gets crushes." Harry paused, searching for the bravery, or maybe just the impulse, to say what he said next. "Actually Draco, I had a crush on you."

Malfoy's face flushed red under his pale blonde hair. He was suddenly very aware of how close Harry was sitting. "What? I was awful to you." This was a joke, wasn't it? It had to be. "What the hell Potter, this isn't funny."

"I know it's not," Harry said even though he was laughing. "And you were awful. But cute awful. And I think I just liked that you were talking to me, not matter what you were saying."

Malfoy couldn't tell if he was breathing or not. Surely this wasn't happening to him. "What about Weasley?"

"Please, she's been falling in love with Luna since her third year. Our relationship just kind of proved that for her."

"I always liked Lovegood."

"I tell you I have a crush on you and that's all you have to say? You always liked Lovegood."

"Um, I'm sorry I wasn't nicer to you when you had a crush on me?" Malfoy stuttered. Wait...have!?

Harry shifted, scooting closer and angling his face so their noses were almost touching. "You're being nicer now."

He tilted his chin forward, and surprising even himself Malfoy met him halfway. Their lips met slightly parted, Harry's slowly pushing Malfoy's open wider. It was slow and firm and sweet, Malfoy lifting his hand to rest in Harry's hair, his fingers twisting and twirling and grasping.

Harry's arm wrapped around Malfoys waist, his hand landing on his ass. He pulled the other boy closer to him, the motion forcing their lips closer and eliciting a small gasp from Malfoy.

And then it wasn't slow at all, Malfoy's head tilted as their mouths hungrily worked against each other, pushing and pulling rhythmically to the beat of a song neither of them realized they knew. Both Malfoys hands were in Harry's hair now, and Harry's were exploring Malfoy's ass and waist and torso.

Malfoy jerked his head back, separating himself for a second, his hands cupping Harry's cheeks. "I had a crush on you too, you know." He panted.

"No you did not." Harry wiped his mouth and tried to catch his breath.

"I once spent an entire night making the whole school magic buttons with your name on it."

"Ok, maybe you did."

They dove back in to another hungry kiss, Malfoy using a finger to gently tilt Harry's chin up just a little bit more. Harry's mouth wandered from Malfoy's lips to the ridge of his chin, to his neck, then his collarbone, smiling to himself about the little gasps Malfoy was making. He pulled Malfoys hips into his own, moving back up to his lips, pausing when he saw the clock on the astronomy tower wall.

"Is that clock right?"

Malfoy turned his head, "Wha- oh shit."

Harry laughed into the other boys neck. "We missed all our morning classes."

"Lunch is probably already starting." Malfoy said quietly, pressing his lips back up against Harry's for just another taste.

Harry lingered, his lips still slightly pursed as Malfoy pulled away. He sighed, "I should probably head down there. If I miss lunch, 'Mione's going to assume I jumped." He eyed the edge of the tower.

"I'm getting hungry anyways." Malfoy stood up, brushing himself off. He offered a hand to pull Harry off the ground. "I'll see you in class, I guess?" He didn't know what he was supposed to say here, but it definitely wasn't that. Blushing, he headed for the door.

"Draco, wait," Harry grabbed his arm, pulling Malfoy back into his chest. Suddenly their mouths were together again, just one more second, or two, or three. Pulling away Harry smiled. "I'll see you in class." And with that he let the other boy walk out the door.

Giving himself a second to rearrange his thoughts, he followed suit a few minutes later.

The great hall was already full of people and noise when Harry got there. Thankfully, no one seemed to concerned about his little outburst that morning, and whispers were to a minimum as he walked to his usual seat.

"I see you decided to skip class this morning." Hermione rolled her eyes as she handed him a stack of notes she had clearly prepared for him when she realized he'd skipped.

He took them and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "You're going to make a wonderful wife." He dodged Ron's swat as he say down.

"At least you're in a better mood." Her eyebrows furrowed, as she tried to pat down the back of his hair. "And your hair's a mess. Where were you, anyways?"

"I was…" His eyes darted to the Slytherin table, where a still very much red in the face Malfoy was sliding into the seat next to Pansy Parkinson, "I was, uh, just getting some air."


End file.
